When you look at my child
What do you see
When you look at my child?
How does he make you feel?
Your words confirm what I see in your eyes
Confident words, so secure
In the assumptions that you make.
Which child are you speaking about?
What do you see
When you look at me?
How do I make you feel?
Your manner suggests the response you expect
So sure of your words, taking
For granted the role that you choose.
Are you really talking to me?
When did I tell you I wanted him changed
That I would prefer him different
From as he is?
When did I tell you I wanted your help
To change him?
I longed for my child for such a long time
I met him and chose him
And held my breath for a while.
I was very lucky.
He decided I belonged to him too.
Why would I change him?
Don’t you realise that I can feel
Your need to change him
Your need for him to be other than as he is
To be “improved”
To be more or less or whatever
You are disturbed by?
Don’t you understand that
The comments you make about my child
Tell about yourself
And not about him?
And the needs we discuss
Are yours
And not his.
When you look at my child.Jill Penman, Let Our Children Be, 1996, Parents with Attitude
When you look at my child © Jill Penman 1996.